C'mon C'mon

I watched a wonderful film on a flight couple of days ago. "C'mon C'mon" is the story of a radio journalist Johnny (played by Joaquin Phoenix), thrown into the role of taking care of his 9-year-old nephew Jesse. The film opens and ends with audio snippets of Phoenix's character interviewing young people about how they feel about their future. Kids from real-life answer questions like "When you think about the future, how do you imagine it will be?" and "What makes you happy?"

There's so much truth here. Kids are incredible thinkers. Mostly because they think and act without inhibition. Kids are not constrained by reality. Everything is possible. Earmuffs, popsicles and trampolines are just a few examples of things invented by kids. It also helps that kids don't fear rejection and are not easily embarrassed. Kids are also surrounded by open-ended tools like lego bricks that encourage creative expression, and have all the time in the world (at least before academic pressure kicks in) to experiment and play.

Unfortunately, kids lose this ability to think freely as they get older. They become more aware of being judged, of what is "possible", of their ideas being rejected, of losing face etc. In other words, they become more like adults. Adults think in a tight space for all of these reasons.

The title of the film came from this line from the Jesse character. A 9-year-old expressing how the world works and how we just need to be adaptable and resilient. Going a little deeper, what Jesse is also unintentionally saying is that human beings are limited by their imagination and what they think is possible. But the realm of what is possible goes far beyond what you and I can think of. It's just that kids have more expansive imaginations than adults and are less limited by their minds.

As parents, instead of getting our kids to be more rational and logical as early as possible, we should encourage them to stay vulnerable, to not be afraid of making mistakes, and to not be inhibited by perceived adult norms. In practice, what this means is to avoid discouraging your child from taking risks and criticising them when they make mistakes. Often, through our body language and the words we use, we express disapproval. Kids are much more sensitive than we give them credit for and naturally try to please us, so they stop doing the things they think we disapprove of.

They start thinking like adults. In a tight space.

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Till the next issue!